Day 12: Sorry for not keeping up on my blog lately I have been sick with the flu.
When it comes to relationships and better yet destroying a man there always seems to be the “giving in” moments. This is when you give into this douche bag by stripping away the outer appearance to find if he really is a human being. He will break down his very sturdy wall just for a moment, letting you look into his soul. This is the moment you know you have him and your false guard will slightly move to let him believe that he has you also. The feeling of security is very important when it comes to relationships, John recently told me his sappy story of his parent’s divorce and how badly he believes that this moment has affected his ability to love and be vulnerable, it was within those few words my heart sank a little bit. In life are we all searching for the same thing, just using different roads to get there? Maybe being vulnerable has become another road in finding the one, you look and you abuse but it takes that very special person to open up to. When douche bags find this girl who has “broken them” they will fall deeper in love then the normal guy would. This is because they have been so afraid of being vulnerable that when they find that one person who they may open up to they have a deeper fear of heartbreak and humiliation. His fear of being vulnerable and opening up to another human being is sickening and I myself can’t understand where a fear like this could come from. When has being vulnerable become almost as difficult as getting a Birkin bag, and is it really us or has our society created us into a monster that hides all day long only to come out in the dark? Recently a good friend of mine told me that when men are all over her she cannot reciprocate the feeling. Was this just her or has going through life and seeing and experiencing all these failed love stories created her to become numb to love. Loving someone is all about “feelings” but has these feelings become our worst enemy and if everything is based on feelings could they run out until we are left with no more. When someone is hungry it is simple: go to the kitchen and get some food and that has fixed your problem. What is it that we need to make ourselves full of feelings again? Do we need that one person to be vulnerable to and if we find this person how do we know that it is right? You may never know and you may get full of feelings only to get drained again, but perhaps, we have to take those risks to separate us as humans from the animal species. It might not be the case that you must have feelings for someone romantically to develop a tender heart again, but maybe just caring in general will give us that nice full feeling all over again.