Monday, January 25, 2010

Day Four.

Day 4:
A douche bag comes in many shapes and sizes, yes they usually come with Affliction shirts and steroid induced muscles. On occasion, however they may appear completely normal; one of my good friends recently introduced me to a guy who seemed like a down to earth human being. It didn’t take long though for his true douche bag colors to shine through, a girl would call, he would laugh and make fun of her, a woman would pass by wearing a low cut shirt in which crude comments soon followed. It then hit me; men can either be good or bad regardless how they may appear on the outside, a beefed up guy could be harmless and a computer geek could be a complete jerk. There are many levels, to being a douche bag, the nerdy douche bag will make fun of the way a woman looks and will make comments that are meant to harass the intelligence of a female. A beefed douche bag will not say someone is ugly, oh no, if they don’t think you are very cute they will ignore you completely without any word. So when hurting a douche bag it is important to pick the kind of douche bag you want to destroy, a nerdy douche bag will be a little more difficult oddly enough. They put up a fake guard to protect their non blessed physical attributes; you must have a thick skin. They will call you names much like when a kindergarten boy has a school yard crush, unfortunately these guys never “socially grew up” so yes they are still stuck in kindergarten. With a beefed up douche bag, you will have to use your looks to your advantage, you have to be his fantasy but to keep him around you must be a tease. John is defiantly a beefed up douche bag so running around in low cut shirts and perfectly put on eyeliner works just fine. Both douche bag categories have different ways of winning their eye, the nerdy douche bag will find that porn star like women are the most beautiful, this was brought on by their un action packed years in front of the computer. These type of douche bags will never approach a victim first they will wait until they are approached then of course will make fun of your intelligence. The beefed douche bag prefers woman who are pretty but never prettier than them, this is because they always want to feel secure in the relationship, they believe if you are too pretty then you might cheat. Don’t get me wrong a beefed douche bag always has a pretty girl, this is to show off to friends, but they want to feel like the “hotter” one in the relationship, so that if you break up with them then they know it wasn’t because they were “ugly.” These guys WILL approach you first and they will always make the first move, they know that they have swagger and they will defiantly show it off. These types of douche bags will go through relationships quickly, a month to three months is usually their limit unlike the nerdy ones who never actually get into a relationship and if they do they will usually keep the abuse going for a while. So ladies pick your douche bag but beware it is much like picking your poison, they both will try to suck out the life that is you from you.

7 comments:

  1. So the first guy never called you back, huh?

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  2. uh! beefy douche bags are good for one thing and one thing only! and sometimes that is not even up to par!

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  3. He found out about this blog.

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  4. I don't think I've ever read something more self-absorbed, childish, arrogant and superficial as this blog in my entire life.

    And yes, I am a guy.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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